What is a cuckold?
By definition, a cuckold is a husband who has an unfaithful wife - the husband may or may not be willing. Being a cuckold is the "act" of making a husband a cuckold. In terms of lifestyle or dominant/submissive, being a cuckold is not simply a matter of a woman going out to have sex with other men. It is a psychic manipulation of the man and the woman cuckolding him with her desire. The husband needs to be aroused or has other needs to satisfy, such as being humiliated, dominated or simply being able to see his wife have an orgasm that he is not able to give her for some reason.
There are also different degrees and flavors of deception. Most couples who adopt this type of lifestyle continue to have sex together, but with the woman enjoying or perhaps even preferring one or more other men. Some couples are considered lifestyle or extremely cuckolded couples, which means the husband is not allowed to have sexual contact with his wife or girlfriend. Often this is accompanied by chastity for the submissive man, which increases his desire and submissive nature. The cuckold is aroused by this jealousy, denial of orgasm and humiliation.
The wife always treats the husband with great love, but perhaps with a touch of domination. However, husbands usually want the wife to treat them in a certain way. This can be humiliation, extreme domination, watching a wife have sex with a lover, watching the lover humiliate the husband, etc.
The bottom line is that the husband finds "pleasure" in his own words when he is treated this way by his wife or girlfriend. It excites him to know that she is taking advantage of her new found sexual freedom and dominance to have sex with other men.
Cuckolding is not about cheating and should be consensual. Otherwise, it is simply cheating on the part of the wife or girlfriend because she is having an extra-marital affair.
How chastity can tie in with being a cuckold:
For many, cuckolding follows chastity like night follows day...
There are different degrees of feeling submissive and D/s relationships of different intensity, and for some this could be paraphrased... "Suffering is your reward slave"
If it is the decision of the one you worship and have worshiped and surrendered to, to keep you in chastity and cuckold you at some point, that is your reward. What does your surrender mean if you don't agree with the decisions of the person you surrendered to?
It's certainly not chastity or being a cuckold that makes a submissive irritable or sulky. It is resentment and lack of acceptance of his Mistress' decisions that makes him irritable or sulky. Far from hating himself, the Submissive takes pride in his obedience and the frustration and torment he provides to his Mistress for her amusement. As for the submissive who feels useless as a scolded and disowned cuckold, on the contrary, a scolded cuckold remains energetic, always eager and agreeable, and accepts that the slightest harm to his Mistress's mood may delay his next chance for release.
If submission means submission, which of course it often does not.
Chastity and cowardice are immensely powerful, dangerous and easily abused. But in emotionally safe and appropriate relationships, with prior discussion and mutual understanding, they can be intensely rewarding for the sufferer and for the one who appreciates the other's suffering as an act of absolute love and devotion.
Getting started: Talking about it during sex or at other times is a good start. For many, fantasizing about it is the only way to get as far as they can or want to go. Behind the excitement of being a cuckold or being the woman/mistress who is free to take a lover, there are many other factors that are not as exciting but still accompany this lifestyle. The degree of commitment of the marriage bond when you introduce another sexual partner, the knowledge that there are STDs and AIDS that could certainly alter your health, the fear of being exposed to your friends, family or colleagues who are very conservative, and any potential religious issues. And there are others, but each couple must weigh the pros and cons and decide what "does" for them.