During the secret and taboo fantasies that inhabited me when at night, naked in my room with my toys and my thighs open, I made myself cum by imagining myself taken savagely by one or several men with beautiful cocks ravaging my mouth, my vagina and my anus. I discovered very quickly that my body only had an ear for pleasure and unhealthy, wild pleasure.
The more he dominated me, the more he humiliated me with a filthy language that he used by jumping me, the more he subjected me to his desire and his perversions the more I was happy... With him, my orgasms were powerful. None of the men that I met before could give me this pleasure. Apart from him, no other man has given me this same pleasure.
I'm ashamed but can't shake it, the verbal slips, the pain, the wild acts. I can only enjoy being "raped" and a little less by fantasizing that I am being raped when I play alone.
When my Master left the region with his wife, at first I thought I would die of grief, then I thought of quitting my job and moving. He told me not to, saying that if I did that, he would never touch me again. So I kept hoping to see him again, to be his whore, his whore, his submissive, his slave, 6000 kilometers of distance between us, 6000 kilometers of despair.
To make up for my lacks, I bought myself toys, BDSM accessories to hurt myself, to make me selfbonbage imagining that it was him. I took crazy risks playing alone. The night I thought I was trapped for real and was going to die, during the six-hour struggle for survival, I vowed never to do it again.
My evenings became mundane again. My sex toys sucked. Even my fingers couldn't satisfy me anymore. And then one night, I cracked and started again. The madness of the senses made me lose my mind, I was again very afraid. Since I was not attracted to any man, I decided to wean myself off.
I bought a chastity belt from leaderchastete.com because they were very patient. I asked them tons of questions, they always answered me with chosen words and especially respect. The webmaster seems to know his subject and domination, his submissive wife is very lucky. She was also very sympathetic in the answers she gave me when I wanted answers from a woman.
The day she arrived I was excited as a flea, I was almost flowing even though the purpose of this belt was to wean me off. After a weekend of adjustments as they had advised me, I finally felt locked in, deprived. My fingers could barely reach out to touch me, impossible for me to achieve pleasure. Dressed in loose clothing and a corset in case a colleague put his hand on my hip, I went to work with my chastity belt. It bothered me a little and drove me crazy. So much so that in the evening I cracked it open, for nothing or almost nothing, just a little orgasm. The idea of taking out all my toys titillated me, my past fears called me to order.
So I did as they advised, I mailed the keys to myself. After putting the keys in the mailbox, I was afraid. Afraid that the mail would get lost, afraid that a medical emergency would take me to the doctor. The night was difficult, my crazy slutty dreams drove my hands uselessly between my legs. My nightmares led me to the doctor. Three days, three nights of worry for nothing. When my keys came back, I cracked again.
As soon as I opened the door, I masturbated like crazy without much result. Frustrated, I tied myself up by throwing the keys from the handcuffs into the apartment. Feet and hands tied together, crawling, I imagined my Master hitting me, then smashing my mouth before taking me like a savage. I had to entrust the keys to someone! Yes, but to whom? Who could I explain my madness to?
I remembered that on Leaderchastete.com they offer to keep the keys. It is not that I do not trust them, they are serious, but the postal delays worried me and remained my problem. Looking at their site, I saw that they sell an electronic safe that can be programmed for up to ten days. It can be broken in case of emergency but does not open until the chosen date. That evening, I ordered one.
Two days of waiting, two days of fighting my demons. When it arrived, I had to ask for a break to pick up my package at the post office. The girls asked me what it was, I told them it was for a friend who was surprising her husband.... The rest of the day seemed awfully long because I was so anxious to get home.